the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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