Rock
Scissors
Fuck
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
