I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
