what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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