Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
