I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Randomize
