My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
All the doctor said was why
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize