It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
