just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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