I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
