I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
