You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Dear god my vagina.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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