Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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