Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
