Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
My dad just said "fuck circus"
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