Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
