I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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