I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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