last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
