Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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