peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize