Do you still have your period?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
