i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
