so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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