Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Found your dick twin last night
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
