I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize