Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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