I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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