the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
