He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
