I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Randomize
