So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
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