And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I didn't notice because vodka
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
