She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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