ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
if you like me you must not know who I am
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
