Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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