i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize