Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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