Little spoons don't ask big questions
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
