Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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