I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize