I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
