Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
