I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
