I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
