Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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