I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
