That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
