Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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