so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
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