So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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