Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
