Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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