A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
