Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Randomize
