He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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