East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
