Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
