i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
