forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
