So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
