Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize