whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
