If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
There r osticjed everywhere
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
