My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize