peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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