Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
