I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
