Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
