i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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